Kirsty Hessing: Still Processing

Hi! I’m Kirsty and I currently live in Columbus, Ohio where I work in Real Estate Development - I also teach Lagree! I went to school In New York & swam for Wagner College. I feel fortunate to say my love of swimming was deep and lasted through my college career but I definitely struggled as an athlete and my transition away from athletics wasn’t easy. 

It’s taken me years to process everything that athletics was to me, and I think in many ways I’m still processing. Swimming gave me my best friends, my work ethic, my tenacity & the best experiences/stories. In every way swimming made me who I am today & I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Swimming was my first love even though there were many days when I felt like swimming didn’t love me back. Even now, there’s times when I feel resentful towards swimming - like it took more than it gave.

I overtrained, and sometimes still feel angry towards coaches who allowed and even encouraged over training. I still live with the consequences of injuries I was forced to swim through. Practice was often prioritised over academics & sometimes I wonder how things might have been different for me if I had been able to prioritise school and work experiences instead. While swimming, I also had to navigate a number of traumatic life experiences including the loss of a childhood teammate and friend to suicide. 

I look back now and wish I had given myself a lot more grace. Swimming has taught me so much, my experiences as an athlete are integral in how I work and who i am today. I’m continuing to learn but in reflection I’d share with my younger self…

- Your worth & your performance aren’t connected. You are enough as you are - a bad swim doesn’t make you less of a person. I spent too much energy trying to swim & perform for others

- Learn your limits. Overtraining isn’t something to be proud of. Breaking yourself down isn’t worth it. Pushing yourself too far has real consequences. 

- Find things you love outside of your sport. Pick a hobby. Join a club. Find a way to volunteer and give back. Teammates are amazing but its okay to have friends who aren’t your teammates too. This helped my transition away from athletics a lot.

- I had to relearn how to eat, workout & rest after swimming. I’m still relearning how to talk to myself. Progress & growth aren’t linear.

- It’s okay to phone a friend for help. I can’t think of a single female athlete I know who hasn’t struggled with mental health. My friends and my teammates are a huge part of the reason I’m here. Struggling with mental health doesn’t make you less of a person. It doesn’t mean you’re broken

- Anytime you have the opportunity to be kind, or check in on somebody absolutely take it. You never know what kind of battles someone is facing behind closed doors

- You can feel multiple emotions at the same time. Swimming/athletics can be the best thing that happened to me but I still feel resentful. I was so excited to be done with swimming (to sleep in finally) but i was also terrified of not having a purpose. Learn how to feel your emotions & accept them

Being a female athlete is truly special. Give yourself credit, give yourself grace & know that you’re not alone in anything you face as an athlete. I believe you, your team, community & friends are all stronger as the sum of their parts xx