Not Alone: Olivia Zambrio

Hi, my name is Olivia and I’m going to be a junior at the University of Pittsburgh. Freshman year and half of my sophomore year I ran xc and track for the school. My senior year of high school when I was told by the coach I had a spot on the team as walk on, I felt so proud of myself. I’d be running at a D1 school in one of the power 5 conferences, something I honestly never even dreamed of. I worked harder than I ever had the summer before freshman year, so excited to be apart of this team.

Running  at the University of Pittsburgh wasn’t what I expected it to be. I already struggled a lot with mental health in high school, so it wasn’t a new struggle to me. But what was the most new about being a college athlete, was the stigma that came with mental health and the lack of support that I received. My freshman year I always said I needed to be on a team and I needed to be an athlete because that’s who I was and I don’t think I could be anyone else. I was persistent that I would transfer schools, leave all my friends and everyone I loved at Pitt, before I quit running.

But my sophomore year my mental health kept getting worse and there was no support or help or understanding from my coach, he’d just keep knocking me down even more. It got to the point where I dreaded going to practices and would spend as little time in the locker room with my teammates as possible, because I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to be back in my room, in my bed, alone. I still didn’t want to quit though, I still had so much to prove, so many goals to accomplish, and I owed it to my high school self, my high school coach and teammates, and my family to stick with it, and make them proud of me.

Half way through sophomore year I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to step away from the team to focus on my mental health and myself. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but it was definitely the one I had to make. Even a little after a year after I quit, I still miss running at such a high competitive level but it didn’t make me happy and I have to remember that. I’ve decided in the fall I’m going to run club xc at Pitt and just run for myself and for my love of running.

After quitting the team I’ve learned that even though I’m not a d1 athlete anymore I’m still an athlete and I always will be. My parents and my high school coach/team are still proud of me and I know my younger self is as well, because I put myself first and I’m doing so much better because of that. I know that I’m not alone in my struggle of mental health and I was lucky enough to step away from the thing that caused me so much pain but a lot of people can’t and as a community we need to help end the stigma of mental health because if I’ve learned anything it’s okay to not be okay and everybody needs to hear that and know it.