Lasting Identity: Lauren (Harrington) Stubblefield

Lasting Identity

By Lauren Harrington Stubblefield

“Swimming is one sport my kids will never get into.”  These were my mother’s famous last words as she sat on a stuffy pool-deck watching my older cousin compete.   Not long after, at 4 years old, I fell in love with the water during summer-league swimming and never looked back.  After begging my mom for 2 years, she finally let me start swimming competitively.  Soon after, I became known and celebrated as “the swimmer”.  My competitive spirit, natural talent, and work ethic catapulted me to success at a very young age.  I achieved a national age group record at 10 years old and kept accelerating from there.  I was consistently top in the country for my age, and as I got faster and faster, my identity as “Lauren, the swimmer” became more and more rooted in who I was.

Growing up in a Christian family, I was always told that my identity should not be rooted in material things, but rather should be rooted in Christ.  In my mind, I would repeat that over and over again, but I don’t think my heart ever took hold of what that meant until I was much older. 

I went on to swim at arguably the best college in the nation for swimming, where we won 2 NCAA DI titles and 2 runner ups during my 4 years. For the majority of my time at UGA, my identity was rooted in my success as a swimmer, as well as in acceptance and approval.  My faith was a mask concealing my enslavement to being accepted by the community around me. This resulted in me saying one thing, as a “Christian”, but hypocritically and judgmentally living out the complete opposite in order to be accepted.

My identity in approval and in swimming was shattered my Junior year when I spoke out about someone who took away my right to say “no” after a night out.  I was isolated and rejected by my peers for speaking out, and, suddenly, I no longer had the acceptance I so desperately craved.  Since my whole identity was rooted in my name as a swimmer and my love of acceptance, I spiraled into depression.  I felt completely isolated from the swimming community—I had nothing to cling to except my faith.  I learned the hard way that the way in which we’re called to live as Christians is not by following “rules” to make us miss out on the fun parts of life, but a roadmap for a fulfilling identity in Christ. 

My heart was finally beginning to understand what it meant to have my identity rooted in Christ.  The most difficult time in my life showed me that any other identity can be shattered in an instant.  As Charles Spurgeon wrote, “I have learned to kiss the wave that slams me up against the Rock of Ages.”  Being rooted in Christ is having an unshakeable identity that will never fail because we have a Good God who is never changing.  Even when we fail, our God will not “for He can not deny Himself” (2 Tim. 2:13). 

This identity has followed me beyond my swimming career.  It has made it possible to move on from the sport I loved so dearly and still feel fulfilled.  After my Senior year, I moved to DC and completed the Capitol Fellows program, which further taught me how to live with Christ at the core of my identity.  There are many roles I have and will continue to have in my life after swimming, but none of them will ever be completely satisfying or safe for me to assume as my identity.

I am a wife, and I have the most precious, Christ centered, servant of a husband, who is so easy to love.  However, I know that there are many times I will say and do the wrong thing and fail in this role.  Some day, Lord willing, I will be a mom.  Yet, inevitably, I will fail in different ways as I parent my children.  A few months ago, one of our puppies tragically died in an accident that could have been prevented.  If my identity was rooted in my ability to be a “dog mom”, I would be shattered and feel like a failure.  I now work as a Sales Representative at Houzz, which is an incredible company.  I have consistently been a top performer but am currently out of work for 2+ months after undergoing spinal surgery.  If my identity was in my role and success in my job, I would be lost for these few months without it. 

The list could go on and on, but you get the point.  As a perfectionist by nature, there are going to be times in every aspect of life when I feel like I am not enough.  That is why it is so freeing to put your identity in Christ.  “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”(Romans 5:8)  Not after we achieve perfection, but in our mess (and hypocrisy).  My identity is now in a God who is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6).

This knowledge has enabled me to honestly reflect on, and apologize for, who I was without Christ at my core. It has allowed me to mend friendships which I never thought would heal. Finally, it has helped me love and forgive people who hurt me deeply, just as Christ loves and forgives me for hurting Him in my rebellion.  “It is no longer me who lives, but Christ who lives in me”(Gal 2:20), and this is an identity that will last a lifetime, no matter the circumstances.

Connect with Lauren on LinkedIn here.

Follow up with her journey @laurenelise1092

 

 

 

Jayme Katis